It’s funny when you pour you mind and your heart out, merely rambling. Yet, somehow in this out pour you end up being more insightful than you realize. Hindsight is always 20/30. I ended one of my recent journals with the statement of “I hope he will be there to stand beside me.”

Regardless of my small doubts (everyone has them, and is entitled to them) I always had the heart and the guts to stand beside him. But it was not the same for him. His leaving and moving out crushed me like a spring caterpillar. My neon colored entrails are still being cleaned out of the carpet.

It was the end of my world to let him go. I finally gave in. Every last thing I held back from him….I finally let it all go- I gave it to him on a silver platter. And he shunned it, turned away. I crumpled.

But some how. Some way. Today is ok.

I would give anything to have him here beside me right now. To hold him, touch him. That silly warm smile.

But right now. I am so glad to be here alone.

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