Faire da la bonne cuisine demande un certain temps. Si on vous fait attendre, c’est pour mieux vous servir, et vous plaire.

i ate something so sour this afternoon that my teeth still hurt. i think it was pickled cauliflower. bossman took me out for lunch and let me take off early cause it’s almost christmas. quite nice of him…..what was nicer was the promise of all the work coming for me after the new year. 🙂

i had a hard time dealing at lunch, but i’ve had a hard time with everything in general. seems i’ve made myself so super busy that i’m still having a bit of a time stepping back and relaxing. but 2 jobs, school, divorce, new boyfriend and pepper with somewhat frequent short travel and one can see why i automatically tend to rush through everything and keep to myself. i’m making it a point to try and step back, take my time and open up more but it’s never an overnight success like i would like it to be. “Good cooking takes time. If your are made to wait, it is to serve you better, and to please you.”

i think another reason i’m nervy about opening up is that i keep tripping on my past in an unexpected way. it’s as if i took off the rose colored glasses and pulled out the spotlight and the magnifying glass. i’m starting to see the past and the people for what and who they really were then and what they are now.

i’m having a hard time understanding why and how they all made me feel so little and insignificant.

it’s almost the equivalent of the fantasy that everyone has of ‘what it would be like to go back to high school now’ or i guess what people go through when they go to those silly reunions. except everyone doesn’t have the half made-up story and the rented suit on in the overpriced hotel. i’m seeing how they really are, 5-10 years later. i’m not saying they are all bad, but they didn’t treat me well and i let it happen. i used to have a big mouth but i’m starting to see that i never stuck up for myself as much as i thought i had.

it all just makes me appreciate things the way they are just a little bit more.

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